saint valentine

Sunday, February 16th, 2025

February 14th was this past Friday and if you are like me, it was a day of loving celebration. And if you are really like me, it quite naturally bled into a sort of Valentine’s *weekend*. I mean how could it not?

But I am not sure how many people reading will agree. And that’s okay! …but only if you keep reading. Over the years, my pro-Valentine’s sentiments have been charming to some, but a tad ridiculous to most. By this point, I’ve heard all the opposing opinions imaginable. It’s too commercialized. It’s just about spending money. And my personal favourite, Why do we need a day to celebrate love?

Listen, I am on board! Let’s all celebrate love every single day of our lives! But in my experience, the ones who argue that we should skip Valentine’s and instead celebrate love every single day are the ones who do not, in fact, celebrate love every single day. The ones who argue that we don’t need a designated day to show our affection aren’t overflowing with it the other 364 days of the year. They simply resent being told what to do. And they especially resent feeling like they aren’t doing enough on this one particular hallowed day.

When we were children, most of us opted into celebration. We cut out paper valentines for classmates and ate rather unfortunate red foil chocolates. I remember choosing the most platonic-sounding card to give to the boy whom I wanted to keep as a friend. I chose the flirtiest one to give to the boy whom I wanted to impress. And I chose the cards with butterflies or flowers or generally awesome designs for my best friends. Point is, we celebrated and mostly with friends.

It is this reason that I have continued to have beautiful Valentine’s Days even when romantically unattached (and there have been many). Because if you think of it as a holiday for lovers and lovers only, you are missing the point and very likely increasing your singledom sadness. It is about love and that exists in friendship. That exists in family. That exists in self. And if you are very very lucky, that exists in all three. AND if you are in a romantic relationship? One more avenue through which you can express your love? Jackpot.

I tend to remain curious about the things we celebrate as children and begin to give up on in adulthood. I tend to question these things, I tend to ask why that is. I want to ask parents why they encourage their children’s joy on these occasions, and forget their own. It seems to be more evidence on losing touch with the magic, with the wonder and instead letting our big grown-up adult responsibilities get in the way.

And that brings me to my Valentine’s Day journal entry. I woke up on this greatest day of love and sat down with my hot cup of tea (my truest love) and wrote about when love and affection feels scarce. When it is framed as a burden instead of a gift. When it is withheld.

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February 14th, 2025

The continually reinforced, ever true, deep, completely strong and palpable knowing that love is abundance.

Flowing, generous. When we are disconnected from love, our source, abundance goes with it. We are stingy! With time, effort, resources. But when we connect, we have so much to give. And it never empties.

Self-love brings abundance to interactions with others. When we are stuck in lack, in low confidence, in not-enoughness, our generosity runs dry. To give feels like just another threat, another nod to our low value. “You want MORE?” This perceived insatiability of others threatens to confirm what we fear is true- that we are not enough.

But in this state, we are also unwilling to do more! Because we actually want confirmation that we are enough, as is. This is a young impulse and a very old need, something that went unfulfilled in our early vulnerability. It is a need for something unconditional. And though it is sad to have gone without, we must give that to ourselves. Because effort is loving, for both the self and others. Accountability is loving in a higher way. Something grown vs. something of a child. But when the child’s need goes unfulfilled, it runs our adult world. We still crave what is unconditional, but grown-up relationships simply require more.

We have to feel our worth, our value, our own abundance so that it may overflow for others. We must give ourselves what is unconditional so that we stop seeking it from our relationships. If we are able to satisfy this, then another’s request for more is not a commentary on our lack. It is about their needs, not our inadequacies. And we are happy to give.

We must show up with generosity, with all the energy that comes with this kind of abundance! Love that flows continuously between self and the other. No measuring. No withholding. No fear. Or perhaps, courage over fear. The courage that love brings.

* * *

That is what Valentine’s Day is to me. The wonder of the child mixed with the accountability that we are able to take as adults. We are able to give!! It is either a blessing or a burden, depending on how you look at it.

Listen, we don’t need Valentine’s Day. We don’t need to write each other cards. We don’t need to give each other flowers. We are all busy, we are all working hard, we are all trying to mind our money and survive in this modern age. We don’t need a day to celebrate love. But we get to have one. We get to enjoy one day that is specifically dedicated to showing ourselves and others how much we care. We get to spend a day surrounded by and filled with love’s abundance. I promise it is energy-giving, not energy-taking. We have one life on this planet and we get to do these silly things for each other! We get to cut a heart out of red construction paper and hang it on a window! We get to show up for our loved ones in a way that makes them feel special and seen and cherished! We get to spoil each other! We get to spoil ourselves!

We don’t need Valentine’s Day, but I cant imagine fighting too hard against it. Remaining critical of a holiday aimed at showing affection to others is not the hill I want to die on, personally. I’d rather spend my precious time loving. In all of its generous abundance. And if that comes with heart-shaped cookies, well that’s even better.